Failure Sucks No Matter How You Put It

Even though I could come up with a million excuses for not finishing Script Frenzy for the 2nd time, out of 3, failure… it just sucks. I can say that even if I tried to write that script like a maniac in the last week, I would’ve murdered my school work, but as I sit here at this very moment, I’m avoiding doing work I’m supposed to be doing. Add up all the hours I sit trying to distract myself from the tasks that need to be done, and I’ve got enough time for several scripts a month.

That’s all very depressing -- however, one thing I finally realized is that no matter how much I love watching TV shows, TV writing isn’t my thing. The first time I did Script Frenzy and the only time I won, I wrote a simple movie script. I think the root of the problem is that I’m intuitive (and sometimes just plain random) and these TV script guidelines just end up frustrating me in the end. I do hope, though, that this isn’t a part of a pattern. I’m definitely not planning to lose NaNoWriMo this year! Failure isn’t my thing. I like to win.

On a lighter note, the 90s novel is seeing light after a stall at a hard scene. I think the problem was that I didn’t look forward to writing a sequence of events that wouldn’t be “explosive” enough for my taste… well, now I realized--why write them then? Make a chapter break and a timeline break. Then the good stuff’s going to start. I think I feel a chase scene looming in 5-6 pages.

Oh, and I included a snippet from the very same “hard scene.” Now off to continue avoiding what I’m supposed to be doing!

5 words that I love:

- Luscious
- Murk
- Manila
- Utter
- Murmur

43 Things

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm a
Self-Knowing Self-Improving Builder

Just something I did in relation to my previous post. I have 30/43 things on my new 43 Things account. Actually, I was surprised... I thought I wanted to do a lot more. My list is at: http://www.43things.com/person/lavendrin

If There Were No Limits

I’m a little behind in my script, at 23 pages when I should be at 37, but since all I have to do is finish my pilot and begin the 2nd episode (no middles), a few word wars can fix the numbers. My actual novel is my real worry. I’ve been stuck at a scene which seems unimportant, but is so awkward, I keep coming back to it and wondering if I’m going in the wrong direction. I guess every novel has a point where the writer looks back and wonders what’s going on.

My problem is my constant wondering “if there were no limits, then…” Putting characters in crazy situations that are in an odd way realistic is fun (and the entire point), but sometimes I wonder if I go too far. For example, my MC travels back in time. Cool. The character that sends her back in time pursues her through some kind of crazy physics metamorphosis even I can barely understand. Very interesting: intriguing, even. Stalker convinces MC to join his band? Um, why? Because the MC always wanted to be in a band… or because I always wanted to be in a band? Then I wonder what I’m doing here. Am I testing out all the different paths I can take, but won’t have the courage to? Should I drop this novel and instead pursue all of these paths that I apparently secretly still hope for? I’m all about the experience, after all. What kind of hypocrite is this person I am? Arguing with myself in third person - it doesn’t get any better than this.

Currently Listening To: The Fragile by NiN

5 Words I Love:
- Dilemma
- Entice
- Nimble
- Guitar
- Valor

How Two Works Intertwine

I’m surprised, but working on two projects at once hasn’t revealed any difficulties yet. I think it’s because they’re in different formats, a novel and a script, and since I’m very visual, my mind can differentiate between the two stories well. As a bonus, since the subjects are somewhat related (both realistic*, both inspired by music), I get inspiration for one story while writing the other, and it’s a pleasant cycle. (I better not be jinxing myself.) I included an excerpt from my script. It’s not great, since I… forgot how to write scripts since last April.

Yesterday. I wrote 2.5 pages of my novel, above average, and I think it was because I haven’t wrote much the day before. The idea I discussed before, with the insanity, I haven’t even included yet… but the psychological theme inspired me to look into another idea I had before, about having a character from the future being able to go back in time, mentally, and take control of his younger self to do his bidding. Since my MC is hopelessly attracted to the ‘younger’ version, I made myself a nice conflict, with a lot of potential.

Today, I made up a lot of slack on my script, from yesterday, and now have a total of 11 pages (10 if you don’t count the title page). I’m really surprised how easy it is to fill up the pages… but I shouldn’t be, really. I tend to write a whole lot of dialog. Right now, I introduced a new character, who I really like since she’s rebellious and all (I‘m obsessed with these characters). I’m hoping she’ll stir up a lot of trouble for my MC so she finally decides that she’s through with the people who are trying to control her. And that’s just the pilot.

*realistic enough for my world

Listening to right now: Happiness in Slavery by NiN

5 words that I love:
- Crumple
- Maroon
- Ajar
- Sullen
- Dust

Inspiration from Insanity

My expectations for yesterday weren’t nearly met… have just over one page of script done and no progress on the novel. I don’t feel as bad as I should since in terms of the Script Frenzy validator, I have 3 pages because it just counts how many pages are in the PDF document, which includes the title page. Yup, that’s how desperate I am to feel good about myself! Anyway, yesterday I got two CDs, which I’d planned to be my inspiration for my script and current WIP novel. They’re both by Nine Inch Nails, Broken and The Fragile. Although yesterday they served more as distractions than inspiration, I feel like my idea is still promising.

Also, as a bonus I didn’t see coming, I’ve had a lot of inspiration from a TV show I discovered, Fringe. I’m trying to be careful, though, once I get off the rail tracks with my stories, I usually lose touch with them. Right now, I’m toying around with the idea of a subplot involving questioning sanity [for my script] - it’s valid because my MC is very creative and talented and many people love to call people like that “crazy.” So since I want to keep procrastination at a minimum, I’ll end with this thought.

Here’s a song that I’m really in love with right now: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qTJDMByDX18&feature=related

And since I love laughing with communitychannel at YouTube so much (and since I’m a writer) I decided to give five words that I love:
- Eclectic
- Evanescence
- Reminisce
- Fuchsia
- Crescent
(check communitychannel out at http://www.youtube.com/user/communitychannel?blend=1&ob=4 she’s really funny and really Australian)

Confessions of the 21st Century: We Don’t Read Anymore

Many of us don’t have “time” to read. That’s a lie.

According to the Solution Research Group,

“… Right now, the average American, 12 and over, spends 6.1 hours per day with video-based entertainment.” (Check out the article at http://www.i4u.com/article18085.html).

It also claims that in the future, this number will equal our sleeping time. I think they meant the time that people should sleep, because right now, we are sleeping less anyway. Is watching videos more important than sleep? Think about it!

This post isn’t about “reading awareness” or the “downward spiral of our society.” I understand this evolution: I’m a clear example of this. I’m a writer, and writers are supposed to read. The last book I tried to read, I dropped after twenty pages, and the book before that was a school assignment. My excuse to sit down and watch an episode of Lost is that it’s teaching me “plot techniques.” I know this habit isn’t making the quality of my writing any better and I know that I should be ashamed. But I don’t write to write beautiful prose, I write because I have stories to tell. And it just so happens that the way of communicating stories is changing. Say, I wrote a novel and it wasn’t half bad. It gets published. How many people would read it? Probably my friends, my family, and the few remaining believers in the written word. The number is just not enough. Hey, I’m no JK Rowling. I don’t want to be. It's just that my target audience can’t understand my language because it sits watching TV, YouTube, or listening to its iPod. My dilemma is that I’m not a producer, YouTube blogger, or singer. How am I supposed to adapt to today’s society? Because I want my voice to be heard, no matter the medium.

I’m willing to explore all mediums of communication: I paint, draw, [try to] play guitar, write novels, write scripts, write rants, write journals, make visual journals… but in the end, I’m still searching and waiting for the right one. It may not even be discovered yet. Taking myself as an example again, I listen to my iPod more hours a day than I watch TV (1-2 hours a day, the ads annoy me). But I never bought an audio book for it, so I’m not sure that anyone else would consider that either. Music is complicated. It needs a band, a singer (because I’m one of the few people that appreciates instrumental music), and songs that I would write would be too personal. In a novel, an alternate universe is created and the writer is shielded from becoming too personal. But TV and movies are not personal enough. TV shows have multiple writers and while maybe my main points would be kept intact (if I hypothetically get a chance to create one), the rest would be up to the other writers. Movies are a one time thing and two hours or less with the viewer isn’t something I’m looking for. Whatever it is that I create, I want to be watched, read, or listened to over and over, with great interest. But isn’t that what all artists want?

A Brush with Death & Just 4 days until script frenzy

Earlier today I had a close brush with Death. It's my novel I'm talking about here. Actually, I had all the good intentions, it's just that I was doing things in the wrong order. My computer's been acting very weird for the past few days, so I assumed that it was a virus and ran some "quick" scans. Nothing came up. Then yesterday, it threw up in my face - any window, any program I opened was blank. It was scary, but it was late and I was lazy, so I went to bed. Earlier today I went back to it and decided to run a full scan on it, to make sure there isn't anything terrible hiding in the cracks. Well, Norton 360 requires this back up thing, and I've never let a program to back up for me before... to put things short, it "backed up," but had all of these errors and didn't update the message that I wasn't backed up and... it was a disaster. Finally, I told myself to stop wasting time and go do what I was supposed to do - write. Right? Well, apparently, my file didn't "exist!" I ran the "restore" option, praying that it would somehow work (which it did by the way), my heart skipping beats. I think I forgot to mention that I haven't backed up my work in progress at all. It takes 2 seconds, but I'm just too damned lazy :/. Now I'll be scared into using good back up habits (for about a month or two, then I'll probably have the same incident). But now I'm still worried since the virus scan didn't find anything and I have a suspicion that one of those nasty April Fool's viruses is lurking on my system. Let's hope April fool's isn't Doom's day for me.


That's a snippet. The dialogue is threadbare, but I couldn't keep up with all the details in the movie in my head. My head is weird, ok? (The formatting wouldn't trasfer into blogger, so I had to take a picture).

Next time I post, it'll probably be either on April Fools or very close. I'm still wondering just how my script will start out...

PS: One of my inspirations for my novel (hopefully not too creepy) :http://aerated.blogspot.com/2008/05/so-you-wanna-look-like-trent-reznor.html

Am I April-Fooling Myself? & 13 Days 'Till April

It's been several days since I've come to the realization that I've set myself up for TWO (that's right) writing contests in one month. Judging from my previous success (ahem) I don't know what to hope for and that might be good so I won't disappoint myself. Speaking of my "success," I think I can now safely say that I've climbed out of the non-writing hole and my Muse is resurrected. She refuses to say where she went, if she'll leave again, and most importantly HOW I make sure she won't... so I must use every second I have with her productively. For several days, I've kept a steady pace of about 1.5 pages per day, so I think I'm doing okay. Of course, it's no match for "crazy contest" pace, but it's better than back in November (one of the few times I allow myself to use "epic fail").


Going back to the real subject, I've decided to set a low goal for the current project, probably around 6000 words, but do Script Frenzy full scale. I'm a little worried that I'll drop the novel because working on two things at once never works for me, but if I can keep up my steady writing pace throughout March, maybe April won't be so bad. Or at least not an epic fail.